“She momentarily let go of her worries and tiptoed through the air.” ~ Jennifer
Are you a worrier?
I’ll be the first to admit it: I have a tendency to worry. In fact, I come from a long line of worriers. In the last several years, I’ve realized how much it had been ingrained in me over time. I now understand that worrying is a waste of energy. A big, huge, exhausting waste. But just because I know something on an intellectual level doesn’t necessarily mean I have fully integrated it on an emotional level.
My parents worried about a lot of things, one of them being my safety. In hindsight, I can see why. I have an independent (and stubborn) spirit. I like to figure things out on my own terms. I did a lot of travelling and had many adventures. I never even considered all the horrible things that could have happened to me in that Italian hostel, or that dark alley in Budapest, or that bus ride through Turkey in the middle of the nght. I was just living in the moment, and thankfully, I was safe. Now that I have a daughter, I understand where my parents were coming from. I have also experienced pain and loss much more acutely than I did when I was younger. So the challenge for me has been to learn how to let go of the habit of worrying and just do the best I can. I can make safe choices. I can do simple, everyday things like bringing my cell phone with me when I go for a walk alone, parking in well-lit areas, associating with trustworthy people. We need to have common sense, but we don’t need to spend hours fretting over what could have, should have, or would have happened.
My husband has been an enormous help to me on the subject of worrying. He shows me and reminds me that we make the best decisions we can, and then we let go. We couldn’t control whether or not it would rain on our wedding day, or how the birth of our daughter would go, or if our bid for a house would be accepted. We had to make the wisest decisions we could at the time, and then let go. When I manage to do that, I feel such a fantastic sense of lightness. I sense that a burden has been lifted…one that was holding me down. I love that feeling. Sometimes it’s only momentary, but it’s as though I’m dancing through the air on the tips of my toes.