In many ways, this pregnancy has been a mystery to me. It has been the opposite of my first. Aside from feeling sicker and more tired this time, I’ve noticed other differences as well. I’ve been awfully emotional. I’ve pondered what it will be like to love another child, because up until now, my heart has gone to only one. There was also the gender question lurking in the background of my mind. As this will likely be my last pregnancy, I couldn’t help but wonder who will join my daughter: a little brother or a little sister. Will they be similar or different? Will they get along? It has been almost impossible for me to imagine the answers to these questions. I shouldn’t, in fact. I don’t want to compare.
Several days before I took this photo, we had our twenty-week anatomical ultrasound. I was so nervous that morning I almost didn’t want to go. Would everything really be okay?
I stared at the screen the whole time, trying to decipher shapes and organs. The gender detection came at the end. I gasped at the news of a little boy. A BOY! But I only know life with a little girl who loves dresses, kitties, ballet shoes, and fairies! What do I know about raising a boy? My husband had many of the same thoughts. Then we started to recognize that we are receiving the unique gift of a son. The baby’s room, already painted blue before we bought this house, took on new meaning. We began to envision him here and even say his name. I went out and bought him little onesies with bears and elephants and even some with monkey feet.
I also took some quiet time to sit on this bed. It happens to be my own childhood bed, which currently sets next to the window in his room. I stared outside and tried to picture him one day running in the field. He is still mostly a mystery to me, but I’m eager to meet this baby boy and welcome him to the world with an open heart.