She concealed ~ Jennifer

Sometimes she concealed herself for comfort

“Sometimes she concealed herself for comfort.” ~Jennifer

In many ways, I adore the Internet. Of course it makes ordering anything from books to baby food in the middle of the night a heck of a lot easier, but my gratitude goes much deeper than that. On a very personal level, the Internet opened up a whole new world to me; a place of art, beauty, and bravery. Thanks to online courses and lovely blogs, I’ve found kindred spirits and connected with buried parts of myself. These last few years have been rife with major changes. Some felt like breakdowns, others like breakthroughs. Being able to peel back my layers and document the stages I have gone through in the company of wonderful women has helped me see better on my path, even when my vision was clouded with hormones and headaches.

Sometimes it’s hard to show up and share, but it makes my day each time one of you leaves a comment. Maybe you have felt similar pain or similar joy. Maybe you were having a bad day and my post somehow comforted you or encouraged you. I love the fact that we can live anywhere on this planet and still be connected. At the same time, I feel myself struggling to keep up with the non-stop pace of the Internet. I don’t want to miss out on a new class, or fail to show up for a friend. I want to participate, witness, and support people. I want to keep growing and learning and unfolding. There are tons of beautiful blogs out there with amazing photos and soulful content. There are many fabulous opportunities and programs to sign up for, too. It’s inspiring and uplifting…except when it’s overwhelming. And I do get overwhelmed. As much as I want to be connected, I also need to be offline, in my everyday life of diapers and dishes.

Sometimes I’m so embroiled in what’s happening at home that I can’t muster the energy to get near a computer. Nor should I, for that matter. I want to do more than I realistically have time for. Sometimes I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Sometimes I need silence. Sometimes I don’t want to look in the mirror and see myself, my mistakes, my regrets, my shame. Sometimes it’s just plain easier to conceal what hurts. It may not be right, but it’s reality. Sometimes I need to stand behind the curtain. Sometimes I need privacy to slowly lift a layer of darkness.

I’m still trying to find a balance between being online and being offline. I can’t be both at the same time. No one can. So wherever you are today, in whatever city or country, I hope you can be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to share everything or be everywhere. It’s okay to be human. Sometimes soulwork is solitary work. Other times, it helps immensely to be in the company of creative kindreds. Whether today is a day you choose to conceal or reveal, know that you’re not alone. The invitation is open to show up at She is Three anyday, just as you are.

22 Comments

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22 Responses to She concealed ~ Jennifer

  1. you are singing my song.
    every single word of this.
    xxx

    • Oh M. I know you get this. I truly do. Thank you for being there (I have the Internet to thank for meeting you!)
      And thank you for having such an open heart.
      Always.

      Xoxo,
      J.

  2. Thank you for sharing and not concealing all this because it’s all so true for many of us and the balance is just that, a balance. The back and forth, being cognizant of when it’s a good time or a time to pull back all of it is important to witness and share when possible. Being connected and sharing when can has and is so wonderful. I know I would not be who I am today without this journey of connection that I have found here and on Instagram. I am so truly grateful. Absolutely beautiful shot too! xox

    • Sweet Alisha, oh how I thank you for your comment. It is so hard to balance creative life and home life, and so often it feels like I’m the only one who can’t do it all. I want to be there to comment on everyone’s photos on Instagram and visit everyone’s blogs, but it just isn’t possible (at least not at this stage of my life with two littles). Thank you for understanding the desire to witness and share as well as the need to pull back. I’m forever grateful to have connected with lovely creative souls like you online. And thank you for loving my photo!!

      Here’s to continuing the journey of connection!

      Xoxo,
      J.

  3. Pam

    Thank you for putting into words my feelings and thoughts, and for teaching me something today.
    What I learned today: “Sometimes it’s hard to show up and share, but it makes my day each time one of you leaves a comment.” I admit that I read blogs, take what I can for myself, and do not leave a comment, because I did not believe that comments have a purpose. Now I know that the comments have a meaning, as well as the blog.

    • Oh Pam, thank YOU for showing up here today! There is so much material out there that I know it is faster and easier to pop in without commenting, but I love hearing from readers. I love finding out that something I wrote helped someone in some way. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope you’ll come back again soon!

      Xoxo,
      J.

  4. There is so much here that I am nodding my head “yes” to.
    Is balance even attainable… that question alone overwhelms me.
    Moment by moment. This is how I’ve learned to roll.
    I’m glad we found each other through this world wide web. xo

    • Oh Bella, the balance question…I don’t know if it’s truly attainable either.
      And I totally get the overwhelm.
      Admitting to all the feelings seems to help me.
      Moment by moment, yes I think the way you roll is right on.
      And oh how I am grateful that we found each other in this big web!

      Xoxo,
      J.

  5. Janet

    Oh Jennifer…I admire your ability to stick to it all! My abandoned blogs litter the internet, each signifying a crash from overwhelm! (usually a life event that reduced my time available to be online or drained my creative energy) I am just slowly returning from the last, determined to make it this time, to control the desire (need?) to do it all, keep up with it all!
    Bella was my first taste of this world and I discovered so many incredible people and blogs through her 52Photos! With Deb I moved into a broader world of creating and creators and ‘someplace serendipitous’ has always inspired me … all of you inspire me and I am so grateful for that. Your post today was a perfect reminder at a perfect time that I do not have to do it all… :) You woman juggle so much and I am always in awe of your strength and energy!

    • Dear Janet,

      I understand the energy drain, the lack of time, the crashing from overwhelm. I frequently have to pull back because there just isn’t enough time in the day for me to do it all. And my two little ones need me, above all. Just yesterday I was struggling with the fact that I can’t even keep my eyes open to read a book at night! I love reading and writing. I miss them both. But there is a time and a place for everything. I try to trust that I am in the right place at the right time. I do what I can. I show up as best I can. My personal blog (Someplace Serendipitous) tends to suffer (a lot!) at this stage in my life, but I don’t want to miss out on preschool parades or first steps or the little moments at home that are actually huge moments. So please be gentle with yourself. Abandoned blogs don’t have to be failures. Maybe they are simply steps along your path or bookmarks for places you want to return to when the time and the energy are right.

      Xoxo,
      J.

  6. Vanessa

    I feel this so much right now.
    This balance, this connection. How do I turn it off and still feel a part of something?

    • Oh Vanessa, I know. The desire to withdraw but still feel connected at the same time is so hard to make sense of.
      The best thing I know to do right now is admit to everyone that I’m human. I do what I can and want to stay connected, but with the understanding that we all have full lives and families. It’s kind of like a permission slip. I gladly pass it out to others, because I totally understand. I just have to remember to give myself that permission to step back, too (and not feel guilty when I can’t return Instagram comments or when I take days to respond to blog comments)

      Xoxo,
      J.

  7. Yes and yes. I ponder this regularly. The internet has brought me in touch with so many women who ‘get’ me! Finding a balance is challenging and being kind is the only way to be!

  8. Thank for sharing and putting into words something we all struggle with. I to o have found wonderful friends on the internet that will be mine for life. I have also been involved in some wonderful artsy activities. I find myself , in desperation, often using a timer to make sure I do not get lost in my activities and then be disappointed in myself later. It really does help but it is still always a struggle.

    • Wow, using a timer, I wonder if I could pull that off?!?! I always seem to be stealing moments late at night trying to get a few things done! I usually have to stop because either my eyes close or I know I’ll be a mess the next day if I don’t pull the plug. Hopefully everyone understands. Talking about it like this and finding that other women have the same issue certainly helps. Thank you for sharing your experiences, too.

      Xoxo,
      J.

  9. I totally understand everything you have said here. I feel the same way. Trying to balance online, offline, and business and find a happy medium. It can be difficult for sure but all are worth it!

    • Thank you so much for joining the discussion, Liz. You’re right…all are worth it. And each has its time and place. Admitting that we all struggle with this balancing act helps so much. When I hear from people like you who feel the same way, it tells me that there are lots of us out there in the same boat. We just have to be forgiving of ourselves and one another. We can’t be everywhere all the time. Best wishes to you!

      Xoxo,
      J.

  10. Dot Mc

    Kindness, gentleness with self and others, and not judging allows sharing or not.
    Being open with other at times means acknowledging to your self where you are.
    Time and how you spend it always an issue, especially when caring for children.
    I now treasure that time I can see and share on Facebook with many grandchildren and thier little ones.
    Journeling was my time time when kids were young. This sheisthree.com very open journeying.
    Thanks for sharing.

  11. Cinnamon

    I’ve had these same thoughts so many times! Thank you for putting them into words Jennifer.

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